5 Emotional Stages of Embracing Donald Trump’s Hair
If you caught the last three presidential debates, you may have found yourself distracted by a few things. Sure there was the creepy pacing, and misogynistic outbursts. And how about the fly making a landing strip out of Hillary’s face? But maybe you didn’t even catch any of that because you were distracted by something far more grotesque: Trump’s signature comb over. As we narrow in on election day, it’s important to be able to get passed his coiffe and focus on the real issues. Here’s your 5-step guide to doing just that.
We know what you’re thinking. This can’t be happening. How does gravity even permit such a follicular feat. And the color… is that cheeto dust? Is that dye even legal in the United States?
It’s just such an excessive use of hair spray. This is totally unfair! If Hillary had a bad hair day, the press would annihilate her. And yet Trump gets to peacock around a town hall stage with a radioactive mop on his head. No need for the nuclear codes, we have located one of the atomic warheads (pun intended). Someone get Kellyanne Conway on the phone. She knows plenty about dye jobs.
That hair is drier than Southern California. Maybe if he just deep conditioned once a week it wouldn’t be so bad? He’s sort of got a mature Bieber wing thing going on. What if he swept it to the left instead of the right? And trimmed down the sideburns a bit… Wait, what if he just built a wall around it?
Forget it. It’s a lost cause. We really are going to miss Obama’s neatly clipped edges. What we wouldn’t give for four more years of that salt and pepper halo. Those were the good ol’ days.
You know what, the comb over isn’t going anywhere. But while his do, much like his political orientation, may have been permanently side swept with to the right, we still have our vote. It’s up to us. While we will certainly see the DTF (Donald Trump Fro) from time to time in the future, it doesn’t have to be in the White House. The choice is ours.